Absolutely dripping
What this heat tells us about our country
Dear lovely people,
Every now and again, I think we’ve reached peak incompetence in UK politics. I should have learnt by now.
People always talk about how it’s like something from The Thick of It, but that TV show had narrative structure, a sense of order and jokes. I dream of The Thick of It.
Just to be clear, everyone has known that Señor Burnham is going to be the next Prime Minister for a while. He was stopped from standing in Gorton and Denton because Sir Keir knew SB was going to take his job. That decision was made on 25th January.
It was all anyone in Westminster has been talking about for the whole year. We knew it was coming. Everyone knew it was coming.
How then, are we in a power vacuum, the governance of this country on pause? How do Labour MPs not know if they should have a contest or a coronation?
Either Wes Streeting knew his entire bid to be Prime Minister was, in fact, a ploy to game his way into a Big Job in Mr B’s team - which would make him disingenuous and should prevent him from being invited into any role - or he couldn’t see what everyone else could see - which would make him naïve and incompetent and should prevent him from being invited to any role.
It’s all been so predictable. Nobody was prepared.
The sheer level of ineptitude blows my mind.
This is why I don’t believe in conspiracy theories. Everyone is too useless. Fake the moon landing? Our next PM can’t even articulate the fiscal rules he says he’s committed to.
If I were in an interview and professed to loving my wife, but then couldn’t remember her name, things might be a little awkward.
Journalists pretend not to have noticed. I presume that’s because they are totally culpable in all of this jejune sea.
The current game is to create fantasy cabinets and then, somehow, criticise people within those cabinets.
The role of Chancellor is a hot topic right now. Earlier in the week, the press had given the job to Ed Milliband. By the end of the week, it had been decided that he was far to left wing and would be a terrible Chancellor and how could anyone have suggested otherwise?
This is fun, isn’t it? Don’t worry, it’s only three weeks until everyone’s favourite t-shirt goes to see the King. Things will be better then.
This is the low point. It will never be worse. Right?
Peace and love,
Tatton x
It’s approximately 4bn degrees at my desk this morning. If you’d like to but me an (iced) coffee, you can do so by clicking the button. If you’re reading this after, say, 1pm, it’s possible that you will, in fact, be buying me a cold, fizzy lager.
With a little bit of luck, we can make it through the night
DJ Luck and MC Neat
Frogs in a pot
Just in case you’re unaware of the frog in a pot thing, it goes like this…
Imagine you want to cook a frog. Obviously you don’t, partly because why would you cook a frog? Also, because it’s far too hot to turn on the hob.
Anyway. Here you are, inexplicably, frog in hand.
Your initial instinct is to bring water to the boil. A little salt in there, maybe even some stock. When it’s reached its optimal 100C, you chuck him in.
Legend has it that Monsieur Ribbit is having none of this. He’s jumping straight out. He’s now hopping round your kitchen and he’s cross. This is bad.
No, the thing you should have done is popped him in the pan when it’s room temperature. At this point the green leggy fella is delighted. ‘What a lovely cool pot of water’, they think (foolishly).
That’s when you turn up the heat. Slowly, slowly warming that water. Getting your simmer on. You have successfully foxed the beast. Ha! You have one cooked, dead frog. Well done, you.
This is where we are. If we were presented with a world this hot as we evolved into humans, we’d have jumped right out, thank you. Not having it. We’d have become something entirely different. Some ice, maybe. Can you evolve into ice? I presume so.
Instead, we had a nice time on this planet for years and years. We had rainforests and barrier reefs and polar ice caps. It was good.
Then up popped the Industrial Revolution, industrial farming and hydration breaks at the World Cup. Each chipping away at all that is good in this world.
We didn’t realise at first that our actions were destroying our planet. Then we kinda did, but carried on anyway. Then, briefly, we were all behind stopping it. That was nice.
All of which brings us to where we are. No, I don’t think that intro was too long.
The UK is hotter than it has ever been in June. Last month it was hotter than it has ever been in May.
Last night (you may have noticed) was one of the hottest nights ever. That’s good if you’re with a, erm, close friend, but it’s bad if you’re just trying to get some sleep.
For the Simple Politics Podcast, we spoke to Alex from the Met Office. He was saying that for them, it is all very exciting. Records being broken all the time. Crunching data that they never thought possible. He said they’re also feeling the weight of it. This is serious. Red warnings are serious.
Oh, and he said that it really, really isn’t like 1976, please shut up about 1976, please.
We’ve always liked to talk about the weather in the UK. That’s partly because it changes so much. Snow and hail and sun and wind and fog and all the rest of it. Sweeping in and out of our lives. Four seasons in a day.
We complain when trains don’t work in the cold - look at the North Pole! Those elves don’t stop making presents just because it’s chilly! But we don’t live in the North Pole so it hasn’t been worth the money to buy in all the infrastructure we need for cold weather present making.
We don’t cope very well with storms and leaves on lines. I’m sure we could spend billions on sorting that, but there isn’t the money or the political will. It’s a couple of weeks a year.
As for the heat? We don’t have air conditioning in our homes. Nothing is really set up for the hot weather.
(I live by the sea, which really should be set up for the hot weather, but there was a sewage ‘run off’ the other day, so nobody is going in.)
We don’t get enough days for it to be worth changing all our infrastructure. It’s a couple of days a year and we survived 1976, right?
It’s not just a couple of days any more. The weather in this country is changing.
We didn’t jump out. It’s heated around us. (See, wasn’t that intro worth it now.)
This is the UK. This isn’t a tale of heat, this is a tale of inequality.
‘New build’ schools, often built with private money in Blair’s PFI ‘Schools for the Future’ plan, in deprived areas were not built for this. Windows don’t open. They have large, hot atriums (atria?), but almost no outdoor space. Right now, no learning is taking place.
The worst affected schools have had to close. Often these schools are in deprived areas. If Primary closes, even for the afternoon, someone’s got to look after the children. That means taking time off work.
Housing, too. Some have gardens, some don’t. Some are old Victorian buildings that stay relatively cool some are new builds (again!) that are impossibly hot.
Fridge size makes a difference. Big American style cooling boxes have ice makers and can be set to be really very chilly. Old little ones in rundown kitchens don’t make things very cool. Those tiny freezer shelves at the top don’t make much ice.
It stacks. All day in an educational furnace, only to return to a small, overwhelmingly hot flat. No way to cool down.
We have this inequality baked in. Schools, homes… care homes, council run swimming pools / gyms. People who have struggled and people who need a little state support to get along have it tougher. Of course those who struggle are disproportionately disabled or have additional health needs.
Libraries might be a good place to go as a free, cooling environment, but they’ve all closed.
Spare a thought for those in prison. We know they’re often stuck in their cells for 23 hours a day. Imagine that in these temperatures. Not many prisons I’m aware of are light and airy places with a refreshing breeze gliding through the bars.
The world of work, too. Air conditioned offices for the well paid. Bin collecting isn’t much fun right now, even if you do start at 5am. Mail / Amazon delivering. Teaching. Anything in a hospital.
What’s to be done? Long term, we’ve got to have another look at what we can do about climate change and how we bring people on that journey.
I genuinely don’t know if extending drilling licences in the North Sea helps or not. If someone else is drilling the same oil, then maybe not? Digging up more fossil fuels doesn’t feel right. Dunno.
Short term, we need to make changes. Yes, that means adjustments to future new builds (as we’ve had announced this week), but our infrastructure is badly out of sync with the country it’s supposed to serve.
We need political will to change this. I’ve heard no politician put forward serious solutions to look at this at a national level. It’s going to be expensive and we’ve got no money.
This is the UK and this is how it works. Situations change and that change has the biggest negative impacts on the poorest in society, the most vulnerable, those already finding life the hardest.
If inequality is your default setting, you’re doing it wrong.
This section should finish with a witty callback to the whole frog thing, or even a clever reason why the World Cup hydration breaks snuck in there, but, honestly, I’m too hot and I’ve made myself all cross at the world, so you’ll have to make your own joke.
Like technical and not terribly interesting weeks in the House of Commons?
You’re going to love this week.
Monday - Not much
Tuesday - Even less, if t’were possible
Wednesday - PMQs.
Not much after that.
Thursday - Debates on ‘Commonhold and leasehold reform and the regulation of property managing agents’ and ‘access to further education’.
Honestly, do check out the Simple Politics Podcast this week. It was so great to chat to Alex from the Met Office. He was so great.
Once you’ve finished that, Phoebe Bridgers has a new song. ‘Lost boys never spent their lunch money’, it goes. She is so great.
Be well x
My local library is open - but it's a 1990s building, windows all round three sides, so I'm staying out.